After reading the e-book called The Playful Family, by Shawn Ledington Fink from Awesomely Awake, I have been thinking a lot about playtime, and what it means in our family.
I am blessed to have a playful family. We sing little songs about nothing. We put baskets on our head and run to the letter box. We use silly voices. We do ring-a-ring-a-rosie. We play chasies in the garden. We dance with ribbons to Otis Redding. When my husband is around, playing is effortless fun. Playing does not take a toll, or make us adults feel like monkeys. We play like we breathe.
“Hey, guys, shall we dance around in circles?” asks Elka, as we finish our dinner.
But when my husband goes to work, I find myself struggling to get up the stamina to sit next to the sandpit and build a sand castle, or jump on the bed like a monkey. I am good at reading a few books on the couch with my little girl, but beyond that, I struggle.
I wonder about my internal aversion against playing…why is it there? And is it going to go away before my child is a teenager, and can’t think of anything worse than her mum playing games with her.
I think, for me, it is a matter of choice. Before having a child, I would have thought hanging out with a toddler all day, mucking around, crafting etc. was a dream run. But now that mucking around all day, crafting etc. is on toddler terms, not mine, I feel like it is more obligation than play. My choice would be to sit in front of a computer, and read blogs, or write. Some days I even prefer to work on my computer, which is ironic, really, given that when I was working full-time, playing sounded far better. Some days I even prefer to do house chores, which is very ironic!
Shawn’s e-book, The Playful Family inspires parents to find opportunities to be playful and enjoy family life. Ideas she suggests include:
- Say ‘no’ less – turn nos into yeses. Instead of “No TV before school” try “Yes, TV after school”.
- Light a candle – for anything. A birthday. A small triumph. A person. Put it in a cupcake.
- Find ways to play that suit you. Is it doing art with your children? Or being an imaginary character? Or simply asking your children open-ended questions, encouraging them to tell a story?
- Simply be. Allow yourselves to be bored. Down-time on the couch can be the funnest time as a family.
You can get more great ideas by downloading her e-book.
I am weaving Shawn’s inspiration into my daily life, like so:
- This morning – Elka and I practised rhythmic gymnastics with our hoola-hoops, while we watched the closing ceremony.
- I am mindful of my nos, and find myself suggesting alternative options instead…”Darling, can you please sit down on that chair?”
- I am finding ways to play that suit me…sitting on the couch reading books or pretending to be different characters who talk in silly voices definitely suits both Elka and I, and I can do this anywhere, any time. (She thinks I’m hilarious.)
- Today, in the pool, I just let myself float on her time – guided by her little spirit as we drifted from one end of the pool to the other. It was fun.
For me, it is a case of letting go of my need to do, and embracing my capacity to be. After all, what greater gift does a young child give us?
What about you? How do you play?
{Linking with Jess from from Diary of a Stay at Home Mum for IBOT.}
I definitely need to try and embrace my capacity to “be” rather than hanging onto my need to “do”, as you say. And yes, playing does sound like a lot of fun; but I can already imagine my yearning for the quiet solace of me and a computer if playing had to happen.
Sometimes I play guitar, other times I play with colored pencils and paper. I find that if I am getting grouchy or over-worked, just a little bit of time drawing fairy pictures or making up a song about something can really, really help. Making necklaces with stone beads can also help my brain to feel more balanced and sane. The strange thing is that each time, my great resulting mood will come as a surprise! It’s like I have to trust the process and just remember to initiate it- which basically means putting the colored pencils or beads in front of me and ignoring the computer for awhile. Ah, this is a great thing to think about!
You are so right about allowing yourself to trust he process, knowing it will benefit you in the end. It’s a wonder why we resist so much, isnt it? I love your suggestion about making stone beads to ground you. Elka and I made clay beads recently, and it was really lovely. Xx
That sounds so cool! I think there is some easy way to make them with rolled up paper and some type of glue or water, but I never learned it. I bought all my stone ones, they are so fun to play with! Plus, you can make gifts for people. Which means less clutter and lots of joy from giving
•Find ways to play that suit you.
I love that suggestion. I need to do more of this because sriously, I can get bored quite easily if it’s playing ponies or reading the same books over and over (even if I usually love reading picture books)
I hope you find your way in the land of playing Penny! Xx
I’m going to download that book I think! Like you, before my kids were born I thought the idea of playing all day was wonderful but now I have them I really struggle to ‘play’. They don’t do the things I like to do and won’t last longer than five minutes at any one activity. It makes me feel incredibly guilty even though I know they’re not missing out on anything… I’d love to play better.
It’s a great book Kate! I highly recommend it. I hope you find ways to play that suit you xx
I can relate to this Zanni, that book sounds very helpful, I might go take a look.
i really like these suggestions – they feel not only ‘playful’ but also a lot more positive!
#teamIBOT
Thanks Lyndal. Yes,they are practical and positive ideas. X
You font alone. I was talking to a friend about it the other day. Both of us hate playing imaginary dolls. We both laughed at our shared revelation, relieved a bit of guilt. I try to get my daughter to paint, play scrabble, play sorry the board game … Things I enjoy doing too. She rarely wants to and it can be a real struggle. Its often her that says the ‘no’. I think it’s the mental stimulation we miss, that and losing ourselves into our child’s world.
Totally. Doesn’t so much about parenting come with that vague feeling of guilt? Most mums I know are desperate for mental stimulation throughout their day hanging out with a little one. X
Great post. I am passionate play and the way children learn through play. Remember also, that there is huge value in our kids having independent play – them having time to explore their environment without feeling like they are being watched, is a wonderful way for them developing independence and develop a sense of ‘self’ and where they fit in the world. It also gives you time for “me time” or to get the important jobs done and you are only a “Mum!” away
Gosh I completely agree. Independent play is also so important. For me it’s balancing between the two, in a way that feels easy, natural and enjoyable. X
For me it depends on what I need to get done, if we have places to go etc… when we’re in no hurry I really enjoy playing. I try and let G lead the way, lately she has been using her imagination more and its fascinating. What I love most is when all 4 of us join in with one of G’s games.. usually chasing/tickling or playing musical instruments.
That sounds great Catherine. I agree, play time is time and context dependent. It’s lovely you can engage with your daughter’s imagination from time to time as a family…so lovely. X
I am not a player. I wish I was. I spend a lot of quality time with my girls in other ways. I am a fun mum, lots of laughs, smiles, cuddles etc but I don’t play kids games. Rachel x
Being a fun mum with warmth and cuddles and smiles is awesome Rachel! I’m sure your kids will live happily without you playing with them too. Xx
I struggle at times playing, especially when the girls don’t want to play the games I want to play
Oh I forgot to say that another great play based book is called Play, by Stuart Brown. Shows how we need to maintain play through our lives and ways we can do it. It explains all the different shapes play can take
Oh great, thanks for that Rhianna…I will have a look for it.
Yes, isn’t it frustrating when the little ones don’t want to play our games? Thank you for sharing what it is like for you. xx
I played play-doh and “the doctor” to my little one’s “Miss Polly” this morning for what felt like an eternity (itwas probably only for an hour!!!). I’m now exhausted and played-out. I agree that play can be a struggle at times. I need to take more time just to go with it. Excellent tips x
Thanks MsMandie.
It sounds like you did your fair share of playing today though. Good for you. x
Working from home, I find it difficult to balance playing with My babies and doing work. When I am working I feel like I should be playing when I am playing I feel like I should be working. I am getting a lot better and find when I schedule play into the day everyone is a lot happier.
That sounds like a good idea Julia. It is hard to find that balance. I work from home too, and the computer is always there. Scheduling, like you say, is the best solution. Play time. Work time. Everyone knows where it’s at.
This is a wonderful post and something so many of us could relate to. Sometimes I don’t feel like playing. But I know this is okay and it is important for my children that mummy can’t play all the time. Sometimes mummy has to be on the computer. But when I play, I play. Play dough is a favorite at the moment as well as the marble run which I for some reason am the only one that can master putting it together x
That’s so lovely Tahlia. Thanks for sharing. I like the sounds of a marble run – what is that? It sounds like you have a great balance going on. Xx
I love playing with the kids, I get a real kick out of it and have so much fun – but I just dont do it as much as I should. I let life and its busyness distract me way too much. I am so going to check out that book. this was really the post I needed to read to remind whats important in life and to make those fun times the priority over everything else. Thankyou xx
I’m glad I could help Sonia. It’s so nice to hear how much you love playing with your kids. What a star! Xx
I’m like you…I’m good at playing when my husband is around. It seems less like work when he’s there. I think women are less developed in this area because we are burdened with so many little tasks. Makes it hard to let go. Actually, reading this blog, I am realizing that I rarely ever play with my children. I need to work on that.
Nice point Joyce – all the little tasks that fill our day can distract from the ability to play. The men (if they work) have just a short opportunity to connect with their children and often go for it and play hard. I envy that some days.
i have guilty days when I think I could play more. My daughter (2), at the moment is very play fixated, she is constantly needing to be doing something. I’m enjoying pretending to play shops with her, she loves it, and I can see the joy it brings her. And I can’t seem to get on the floor to pick things up without becoming a horse! It can be tiring playing all day, I wish I had half her energy!
That’s it, isn’t it? Our energy just can’t match theirs. It feels so unfair that I am always the one withdrawing from the game first. Why am I the one always pulling out? It’s amazing our kids aren’t disappointed more often!
I’ve been enjoying play a lot more now that my kids are a bit older (they are 3 and 5) and more independent. They will happily play by themselves all day, so now it’s really a choice. Plus the games are a lot more diverse… I remember I loved building train tracks when my son was younger, but having to do it all day every day was not doing my back any good!
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