A date with my past

103 Replies

I had a date with my past a few nights ago. Mum brought over some boxes that came from my bedroom in our old house. Most of the things I haven’t seen for ten years.

Here’s what I learnt about my previous self:

In my late teens, I was hot.

When I was in Year 6, I was not.

Michael Crawford is a kind man…kind enough to send a girl a personally signed photo of himself, all the way from England.

My grandma Joyce was matriarch and Queen Of All Things, especially the Christmas pudding.

My beautiful friend Margot, who passed away when we were 20, wrote me a card from Paris.

And so it seems that someone else wrote me a card from Paris.

And so did someone else.

And so did someone else. Maybe people think about me in Paris.

I learnt I kept a lot of journals. In one box, there were four half-filled journals, and two empty ones. I know for a fact that there are at least another ten still in storage. The first began Wednes 11th July 1990. Today was my birthday. I was seven years old. I went to the bird sanctuary. We saw lots of animals… 

A much later entry, when I was sixteen read I’m kneeling on my bed right now, and I feel…awful. I don’t know what it is. Nothing happened. I just feel so empty inside…

I wrote plays that my cousins and I performed at Christmas concerts for the adults.

I kept books full of poems, and framed the ones I liked best.

I wrote stories. Many stories. This one was my first, written on an old type writer in 1990 when I was six.

The Funny Trip to Alawena.

Mum told me to run away to Alawena. So I placed my bag and ran out the door. First I passed a gentleman. He said his name was Guy. I said “That’s a very smart name for you.” I said. And off he went. And off I went too. Then I met the Queen. She was very keen on me. So on my way I went. Then I was hafe way up the hill. So I dissided to rest. Enyway it was dark. So I put up my tent and went to sleep. The next day I set off on my jirny up the hill. I was soon up on top of the hill. And there was Alawena. The end.

~

I was hot when I was twenty, but I know I was broken inside.

Nowadays, I am a little rounder, less brown, less blonde, less muscular…but happier in my heart. Although I still write stories, I haven’t kept a journal for years, unless it is for creative ideas and inspiration. I have no reason to go back over and over and over my life…my life is in this moment. Happy. Content. Still.

It’s a cliché – as clichéd as they get – but my husband, child and promising bump complete me.

And on that note, I packed up my box and happily put that me away.

Please come and join my community at Heart Mama on Facebook.

{This post has been Freshly Pressed: ”The best of 398,529 bloggers, 1,339,016 new posts, 1,329,210 comments, & 315,703,551 words posted today on WordPress.com 29 August 2012″}

{Linking with Jess from Diary of a SAHM for IBOT and Bree from Twinkle in the Eye for Flash Friday}

103 thoughts on “A date with my past”

  2. Jennifer Stuart

    There are just so many things I love about this. I am reading it in the middle of a semi-hectic work day, and it was just what I needed.

    I love how you were able to breathe life into the cliche and make me remember how vivid and true it is. How amazing. Yay bump! :)

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  3. Bachelormum

    I’m sure u are still hot. Its good to reflect on where we’ve been and then look at where we are at, and, if we are contented and filled with promise and surrounded by love ones, as u are now, how good it must feel. I love Paris, i was there at chrissie. if I go again I’ll get yr address and send u a postie.

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  7. Renay@MummysMiracles

    What a beautiful post. And what a great way to view things. So wonderful hearing when people are happy. ps I love Paris and after seeing your postcards am getting the travel bug back again…oh dear :)

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  8. Kelly @ HT and T

    Great post! I wish my mum had a box of things from my past, but sadly I think she’s thrown it all out! Once upon a time I kept a diary, I’d kill for a look into it now. It would probably make me laugh.
    “my life is in this moment. Happy. Content. Still.” – beautiful words.

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    1. Zanni Arnot Post author

      Thanks Kelly. Yes, in retrospect I am glad my parents hoard. They have kept a storage shed full of “stuff” for years…I knew there must be a reason. xx

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    1. Zanni Arnot Post author

      That’s lovely Catherine. And I am happy to have found your blog too! It’s such a wonderful way to connect with people. I am grateful we live in the blogging age. xx

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  12. jess@diaryofasahm

    I love this post. I think it’s healthy to look back at our life and see how far we have come.
    And if I ever go to Paris, I’ll be sure to send you a postcard ;)

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  15. BossyMummy

    I love looking back over boxes of things from my childhood. It’s great to ignite memories and feelings from those times. It also gives a chance to see how much things have changed and how much they have stayed the same. Love this post!

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  16. Lisa Dalby

    I found your post through IBOT with Jess, from Diary Of A Stay At Home Mum.

    Reading your post made me think- Wow, I am similiar- I kept journals as a child and teenager, I wrote stories- with borrowed facts from my life. But I am still lost- I am yet to be happy and content with my life.
    I know one day I will be.

    Thank you for such a lovely post and for reminding me that although we are all different, we also have similiarities with those around us and those whom we don’t know.

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    1. Zanni Arnot Post author

      Thank you Lisa. I hope, and am sure you will find that contentment you seek. It’s a journey we all need to make, and sometimes going deeper into despair can bring us greater happiness later in life. We come to appreciate what we have. You obviously have many sources of creativity and self-exploration which will bring you closer to what you seek. xx

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  20. homelifeloves

    How lucky you are that your Mum kept that stuff. I have been keeping a box each filled with memorabilia for my girls, thinking that maybe one day they would like to look back on it all. This has just confirmed to me how important it is for me to do this for them :)

    Awesome post!

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    1. Zanni Arnot Post author

      Oh yes, do keep it for them. They probably won’t want to look at it for years to come (some things are just so embarrassing!) but it’s a pleasure to go back over it all at some point and marvel at the person you once were. xx

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  25. Ava Avaniko

    I found some of my old journals, stories, poems, and drawings. It was fun going through them and I was like, “Oh God, I never knew I was that childish.” And I still am. :D

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  26. phreak

    Thanks for sharing this wonderful post. I really love it. It is like looking through a time capsule with new eyes, after having experienced so much!

    Thanks once again :)

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  34. sorrysoverysorry

    I’m curious how you could have felt do empty inside at that age – even before the death of you friend.

    Of course, I’m also curious how anyone can just let go of the past like that. If I could do that, why, I’d be invincible a better person :)

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  35. OneWeekToCrazy

    This is adorable! You know you’re a good writer when you can easily make an internet full of strangers interested in your childhood! I love how everyone sent you postcards from Paris….so cute.

    Cheers,
    Courtney Hosny

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  38. filmcamera999

    great stuff, zannix! very, very sad to read the postcard from your friend margot who passed away in her prime….
    one thing i will say….take up writing a journal again…just think…in another 30 yrs or so, you’ll be able to take it out and read about what the internet was….how we all sent sms messages to each other instead of talking…how we preferred to sit at our computers than engage in conversations….;)

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  40. D.C. Fischer

    Sometimes, we just couldn’t help with flashbacks and nostalgia. Great article though. And glad that you’re happier with your current self rather than your past (most people live in the past).

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  41. Life & Sunshine

    So many people can relate to this post! My husband was just given a box by his mom from their garage, and it was so fun getting to know more about my beau from what I guess you could call a ‘garage time capsule’. Trophies, Boy Scout badges, high school football photos, and a few love letters from past girlfriends!!! Combined together it painted a great picture of who he was before ‘us’:) Congrats on being freshly pressed, I really enjoyed this one! –cort

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  42. ciaobellamiastory

    This is why I have problems throwing boxes away..because I love the memories that are associated with random “stuff.” And you never know when those memories will brighten your day

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  44. hayleens

    There are too many things I love about this. The sadness in the memories of your friend, the fondness with which you look back and forward in your life. I love that you have been able to look back at yourself as almost an outsider. Your insights are lovely. Congratulations on being freshly pressed.

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  49. katemai

    Love this post! The picture of your grandmother is priceless. I wish I had one of my grandmother at work in her kitchen! Good job and congratulations.
    Kate

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  50. sweetcarolinephotos

    So encouraging and beautiful! I’m in my late 20′s and look back on my high school days with this point of view. Beautiful and confident on the outside, painfully seeking validation on the inside.

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  51. edgeledge

    Love the post, great that whilst you reminisce you don’t yearn to be back there because you are happy with life now and comfortable with who you are.

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  52. chrissyk3

    What a sweet post – I really enjoyed the catalogue of events in your life especially in the way you referred back to your hot 20s days and the brokenness inside. I’ve just broken out of that brokenness and am gunning for the light at the end of the tunnel… so glad you find happiness in the moment in your family; that really is the key to it all. Congrats on FP and Happy Travels!

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  63. yomicfit

    What beautiful photos!
    What fun nostalgia is!
    Just recently found my twins journal and an entry from ’93 saying my boyfriend and I were deeply infatuated and wouldn’t make it.
    We are still together (and married) almost 20 years later.
    Hilarious!

    Reply ↓
    1. Zanni Arnot Post author

      Yes,thankfully I have. I have spent a grand total of three weekends there, one in winter, one in summer and one in spring. They were all heaven and fulfilled every romantic notion I have ever had about Paris!

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  69. Jay

    Congrats for FP….. it is indeed a great post….

    Last weekend I went home (i work and live in a different city than my family is) and bumped upon old photographs, taken some 15-20 years back when digital cameras were unheard of and we could only see photographs once they are back from developing. I and my mom slumped into my childhood memories for more than an hour…… Childhood is always great, no matter what era!!!

    I am sure you look HOT even today…. God bless you and your family!!

    Reply ↓

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