Why did they create due dates? To torture heavily pregnant women?
Is it genetics, or just my shape? Somehow, my babies like to over-cook, and I am left peddling in purgatory – so large I can barely walk, with hips and groin ligaments in absolute pain every time I stand up or lie down.
Granted, I am only four days over, but I am dreading waiting the full 14 days, which Elka made me wait. Shall I have to be so patient? Or can I descend into a state of self-pity, as I hide myself away from persistent questions, like “When are you due?” or “Has the baby come yet?” or “How are the contractions going?”. Believe me, you will know when it happens, and in the mean time I will continue to wait…ahem…patiently.
This period in waiting does teach me a thing or two about life.
I am learning that it is human nature to want to control a situation.
For instance, since Sunday night, I have eaten two large pineapples, three hot curries and one bar of chilli dark chocolate. I have had three hot baths. My husband has massaged the critical “inducing labour” points. I have walked daily. I have had a sweep. I have visualised. I feel like I have done everything.
Why do I feel the need to do…to control the uncontrollable? When the baby is ready, he or she will release the hormone which stimulates the cervix to open. If the time isn’t right, mountains of pineapple, hot curry and acupuncture every day will make no difference.
I can’t control the uncontrollable, as much as I believe I can. I just have to wait.
I have also been thinking about our tendency to link unrelated events.
For instance, yesterday afternoon, I scrubbed the letterbox. It was covered in bird poo and cobwebs. I had already cleaned the kitchen, the laundry, the bathroom, sorted clothes cupboards and set up the baby equipment. But until yesterday, I had neglected that vital object at the front entrance. The letterbox.
Somehow, I believed that maybe the baby has been waiting for me to clean the letterbox.
Meanwhile, Greg was in the supermarket choosing chocolate. His decision was based on what he thought might affect the arrival of baby. He chose orange dark chocolate (not sure what this means, exactly).
Neither orange dark chocolate or a clean letterbox were enough to convince this baby to enter the world. Who knows, maybe these events are completely unrelated.
The third thing I have learnt is that I am not a patient person. I want this baby to come now, and refuse to accept that it may still arrive on the 14th of October. That is too far away, and I will do everything I can to prevent this occurrence from happening.
When I am lying awake in the middle of the night, I try and get myself back to sleep. I count sheep. I let go of each thought as it arises. I visualise myself falling back into slumber. But the only thing that actually works is the thought that comes to me at some point during my insomniac state…It doesn’t matter. I will fall asleep eventually. Just don’t worry about it. At once, I fall asleep.
Perhaps, in my period of not-so-patiently waiting – this purgatory between no baby and baby – I should apply the same tactic. This is, after all, something I can do.
And so…It doesn’t matter. I will have this baby eventually. Just don’t worry about it.
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{flogging with Grace this Friday}
You are amazing. I am reading a book now (called The Happiness Trap) that basically says one of the major reasons so many people do not identify as being “happy” is because they really think that they can control it, and blame themselves when the illusive feeling of “happiness” doesn’t come to them right away. The book talks about the importance of fulfillment, and living in accordance with values. I’m still at the very beginning though
But it reminds me of what you said about sleep- sometimes the best thing to do is to stop “trying to do.”
What you wrote here is very inspiring, and I feel like it has such large ramifications. I think we do relate uncoordinated events (I used to have OCD symptoms, talk about relating things like mad) and one thing I had to do was to remember that feelings can just be accepted, not warded off. It’s okay that there is frustration or fear or whatever feelings arise- being curious about them is the best way to let them go, to be at peace and to arrive in the next moment feeling replenished and present.
It seems like you are doing an utterly fantastic job being ready for your little one; that you are giving the utmost care and attention to your mind state, and I believe that must be very important! And just imagine, when they get older, you will be able to tell them all about the feelings you had as you waited for them to be ready..and perhaps they will say “Oh, that is why I adore orange chocolate and curry!”
Thank you Jennifer! That book sounds so interesting…I am going to look it up.
Ritualistic thinking maybe? The need to control things in an uncontrollable world…
x
Sounds a great book
Oh mate. Big loves to you I’m 41 weeks tomorrow. Your baby is teaching you such wonderful lessons during this magickal waiting time. You are still growing him/her, s/he still needs to be in your life-giving womb but very very very soon s/he will need to see you with his/her own eyes & will need to be in your arms. To mis-quote some wise old sage, a baby is never late, a baby arrives precisely when s/he is supposed to. And mums are allowed to wish that was sooner rather than later! Sending you peace, love & light xoxo
Oh! My thoughts are with you! Hopefully you are in labour now so won’t see this reply fr a while
The thing hat gets me is the constant comments from strangers…I know their intentions are good, but after the 14th time of answering the same question, I am over it, rolling my eyes.
Best of luck to you!
I know what you’re going through with the waiting…my third one was a late arrival! I can not stop laughing at the line about…neither orange dark chocolate or cleaning the letterbox was enough to convince this baby to enter the world!!! LOL!! I remember doing all that crazy stuff too!!!
I’m glad I am not the only one! Yesterday I was photographing my interaction with cows… Who knows where the crazies end? X
There are few more difficult places to be at as a mother. Overdue…I feel for you. Just today I was talking to a friend, comparing notes about living life while being overdue. I told her that at a week overdue in the heat of July, I started asking people to confirm that all babies had to arrive someday, I honestly was starting to think that our third child would never be born. For the record, he was, as was our fourth child that followed later. Good luck to you!
Thank you Kathy for the reassurance. I was so OK with going. 14 days over last time…I think my expectations were different this time around. Anyway, in my heart of hearts, I know when the time’s right, the time is right. X
I remember being very Ill as a child and there being monsoon like rains one day, it washed the world clean and I thought.. Maybe now I will get better. It like trying to hammer goal posts in uncharted territory. I personally think you need to tie pink and blue ribbons to that mail box and possibly put out some stalk food
seriously though swimming helpS those ligament pains no end. Especially breast stroke legs holding a float and really working them. Good luck!
Yes swimming has been wonderful. Though I am trying to avoid it the last week or so, in case waters break etc. but I like the idea of decorating my letter box! Fantastic suggestion
Oh gosh lovely you poor thing, my babies were all incredibly late, and just got later as I went down the line. All in good time though. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses for a beautiful birth when the time is right
Thanks lovely xxx
What a creative photo.
I was really impatient too, baby number 4 decided to be 6 days overdue and I was begging the OB to intervene.
Good luck, it will happen soon!
I can understand why you were on hands and knees Sophie!
The end is tough. I didn’t have to wait as Grace arrived on her due date and Cerys was 10 days early. Sorry. But I do remember how awful it is at the end, when you’re big and uncomfortable and have a toddler to pick up and look after.
In all seriousness, nipple stimulation. I tried for five minutes and my waters broke. 3.5 hours later Cerys Joy was in the world!
The baby will come eventually – I promise.
Cx
I’ve tried it Catherine – I swear I’ve tried everything! Today, I am totally at ease with whatever happens. I think part of my despair came from the fact that my midwife is going away today for 10 days. But now that I have accepted she won’t be at the birth, I am fine. xx
Oh I hope this baby comes soon. I think the problem is your hubby Orange dark chocolate what was he thinking! Surely this is a Kinder surprise moment
Ah, so that’s the problem! Thanks Julia! I will hit the supermarkets shortly, and hope for the best. x
Good luck, the baby will be here before you know it xxx
Hang in there, Zanni. You’re using this time wisely to reflect and put things in perspective. And as you said, the baby will be here eventually. Keep eating those curries
x
I will Grace! x
Oh gosh, everyday, I look to see if there is any news. I know that it’s no consolation but we are all waiting with you too (in a way). You are so close now and once you have that little one in your arms, all this waiting will be forgotten…until next time x
Thanks Renay. You are so sweet. A day after writing this blog post, I feel great relief, and have at last found my peace in waiting. x
I never had to face this type of waiting (never been pregnant) but I totally understand you… I would be somehow like you very impatient and seeing signs everywhere!
Zanni, you have just described all my agony. I can fully understand your restlessness. I too have to wait another 2 more weeks and can hardly walk (I meant waddle along), the backaches and the sleepless nights. I am sure when the baby arrives, all these will be forgotten. Just wanted to drop you a word of encouragement and let you know that you are not alone. Raine – mum-to-be waiting to pop too.
I’m thinking about you, Zanni…I hope it has happened for you!
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